Suddenly, it seems to be going wrong…

Peekaboo

I was proud of my pregnant belly, even though it took a whole five months before you could tell I was pregnant. I saw them everywhere, my fellow pregnant women. Now that my, by now three, daughters are adults, I see them rarely, pregnant women. I don’t pay much attention to them anymore.

My baby became a toddler, and it was heartbreaking to see the little girl think you had truly disappeared when you closed the door behind you. Heart-wrenchingly, she would start to cry, and with hiccups, she would wrap me in her little arms when I reappeared from the pantry or hallway. Out of sight was in her eyes “vanished off the face of the earth, gone, no longer existed.” I left the doors open to show her that I was still there. And we played peekaboo, with tea towels over our heads. And gradually she discovered that I continued to exist, even when I was briefly away.

Later, we took the daughters on faraway trips. France, Spain, Portugal. We played holiday games when we were endlessly bored in the car and they were bored on the Route du Soleil. We didn’t have mobile phones, tablets, or TV screens in headrests. No, we entertained ourselves with our surroundings. I spy with my little eye. Our most favorite game was counting yellow cars. Tally marks were made in freshly bought holiday notebooks, one mark for each yellow car. How many yellow cars have you seen today? Probably none, but later, when you start paying attention, you’ll see them for sure. Apparently, that’s how it works, when you focus on something, you see more.

Safe organization

Actually, we don’t change much when we are adults. I often speak with organizations that work with vulnerable groups or children about our program “Social Safety”. A program where we practically work to prevent sexual abuse and boundary-crossing behavior in volunteer organizations. People often say, “That doesn’t happen to us.” “Fortunately,” I say, but also “Peekaboo… not seeing doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!”

After working with a volunteer organization on the prevention program, it’s as if we’ve all counted yellow cars. “When you start paying attention, you see more.”

Social Safety is not a program to scare you, make you overly concerned, or to make you close up shop because you become miserable thinking about what could be happening behind closed doors. It shows you what you didn’t see, what you didn’t pay attention to. It makes you think about solutions and agreements to prevent abuses. It opens the doors to have conversations with each other. It allows you to look at your organization with fresh eyes. And what you pay attention to, grows. In this case, awareness, listening to your gut feeling, and acting on it.No content to translate.

And sometimes things go wrong

Last week, organizations were able to share their questions and concerns with Peter van den Wijngaard, Bureau Zedenpolitie, and Marjolein Leguijt, advisor at Centrum Seksueel Geweld, GGD Amsterdam.

Usually, things go well, especially if you establish good interaction rules with volunteers, and together create a work culture where it is pleasant to address each other’s behavior. And if a participant comes to you with a story about experiencing inappropriate behavior from someone in your club? What do you say?
– Good that you’re telling me this!
– What can I do for you?

Ask for advice!

You will never become an expert in dealing with serious boundary-crossing behavior. If you suspect sexual abuse has occurred, it is good to call immediately, tell your story, and seek advice. The Sexual Offenses Police are there for that! The Sexual Offenses Police Bureau does not rush out with blaring sirens, but listens and advises. Are there signs indicating boundary-crossing behavior? You can then call the Sexual Assault Center.View the social map.Pay attention when you’re outside in a moment. How many yellow cars do you see?Learn more about Social safety in your organization.Marijke Altenburg & Nettie Sterrenburg