“That you are here brings comfort”

Damaris Monsels is a volunteer at buddy care Kuria. Every 2 to 3 weeks, she visits Paul* at his home. Paul is terminally ill and has very few people around him. Damaris’s visits are valuable for Paul and for herself.

*Paul is not his real name.

Kuria provides care for terminally ill people in the hospice and with buddy care. A buddy is a volunteer for a terminally ill person who lives independently. The buddy visits regularly and offers a listening ear and companionship.

Coffee drop-in or hospital

Damaris: “During my medical studies, I got to know buddy care. I thought: this suits me. As a buddy, you try to ensure that the sick person receives a ‘support system’. For example, contact with children can be restored. Paul chats a bit with his neighbors, but has few family or friends. I want to go with him to the coffee drop-in at the Community House in his neighborhood. If he enjoys it, he can also go by himself. I can also accompany him when he has chemotherapy or an appointment with his specialist.”

Lead together

“Paul has experienced a lot when he was young. When he talks about it, I often don’t know what to say. I’ve learned to just stay quiet for a moment. Just being there provides comfort. You can share the pain together. But we also chat about everyday things or things that are bothering him. For example, he has to get his blood drawn regularly. I showed him how to make an appointment online for that. Now he takes care of it himself.”

Painting together

“The Neighborhood Team had registered Paul for buddy care, but he wasn’t really interested in it. I don’t notice that anymore; he really enjoys it when I come. My hobby is puzzling. When he heard that, he immediately brought home 3 puzzles. Kuria checks if the buddy and the sick person have the same interests. For Paul and me, that is art. Paul is an artist himself. We have agreed that we will paint together sometime.”

Besides my work

“Contact is so important. You don’t have to do anything special, it’s enough to just be there for someone. I wish many more people would become buddies and help sick Amsterdammers. You can do it alongside your job; I work full-time myself. Before you start, you receive training. You learn, for example, how to discuss difficult topics. Or if you notice someone is struggling with something, how to talk about it. You also learn to set boundaries. If I have questions, I can always turn to Kuria, and Paul can too.” 

Rust and connection

“My visits to Paul bring me peace and connection. And it teaches me to put things into perspective. When you are as sick as Paul, simple things can become very special. For example, being outside or having a cup of coffee. I always look forward to our appointments. When I leave and go down the stairs, he always calls after me: ‘Thank you, thank you!’ He also often sends me a message saying, ‘I really enjoyed having you there.'”

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This article has previously appeared in the newspaper Amsterdam.
Photo: Municipality of Amsterdam – Roos Trommelen