“I would like to talk about love”

Robert is an independent sexologist and enjoys volunteering at SET in the Filmwijk of IJburg in his free time. There are 80 newcomers and 80 young people living here. “My starting point is mutual exchange about norms and values.”

This interview took place in February. Many activities have since resumed in a COVID-proof manner.At the Connect Café in SET, a lot happens with, by, and for all residents of the neighborhood. Neighbors from different cultures meet, play games, practice Dutch, and cook together. There are also movie nights, music nights, and themed evenings organized. Robert sometimes cooks there, maintains the garden, is planning a boat trip soon, but above all, he wants to talk about love. He is available for a chat about this with newcomers.

Are you married?

Recently, an event was organized about differences in sexual identity. There was a group of thirteen Eritrean men and three interpreters present. The Eritrean men were allowed to ask questions to Robert and a woman from the neighborhood. “Are you married?” “Do you have children?” “How old are your children?” etc. It was agreed beforehand that Robert would not reveal that he is gay. When he mentioned that he is not married but has a child, many questions arose about how that could be. This led to a very interesting conversation.

Open conversation

“The starting point is that it is definitely not sexual education but rather an exchange about norms and values. I really want to engage in the conversation. I understand how gay asylum seekers often experience insecurity. In their country, on their way here, and in the asylum center. Through mutual openness, interest, and humor, I hope that something will emerge that will lead to certain things being viewed in a different way.”

“Once upon a time, a man, after an extensive group discussion about marriages, became even more convinced that his parents are the best matchmakers. ‘All those stories about divorces in the Netherlands, that seems very unpleasant to me.’ ‘When you are in love, you have blood in your pants and not in your head.’ There is also a lot of laughter among each other.”

Freedom is Robert’s greatest passion. “I am very aware that freedom is very vulnerable. We take so many things for granted. While it can easily disappear.”Text: Thecla Groot Koerkamp
Photo: Jackie Mulder

Would you like to do volunteer work as well?

Get involved in the Connect Café at IJburg? Sign up at info@set-ijburg.Check here for all kinds of other volunteer opportunities in Amsterdam.

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