“This gives me satisfaction”

Behind the many front doors of Amsterdam lives a variety of people, some have their lives in order, while others struggle with poverty, addiction, or loneliness. The Regenboog Groep connects this latter group of Amsterdammers with a volunteer. What is it like to be a buddy? We spoke with Nelleke van Thiel-Wortmann (43), who has been volunteering at De Regenboog since 2015.“Where do you find the time?” That is often the first thing Nelleke hears when people find out that she has been doing volunteer work in her city for a few years. A logical question, because besides being a mother of three young children (10, 8, and 6), Nelleke is a mediator, specializing in process facilitation for business disputes.

But anyone cycling through the city might also come across Nelleke sitting on a terrace in Amsterdam, sipping tea next to a participant from De Regenboog Groep. “It does take time indeed, but the beauty of being a buddy is that you can manage your own time. A handy tip perhaps for those considering becoming a buddy; it’s very flexible. For example, now I meet up every two weeks, other times it’s once a week. No matter how busy I am, visiting my buddy brings me peace. Everywhere in my life I have to do something: in my family, in my work. In my volunteer work, it’s simply being there.”

You get to know the other side of Amsterdam

The second question people often ask Nelleke is: “Knocking on people’s doors at home, isn’t that terribly scary?” Nelleke knocks on the doors of former prostitutes, homeless people, and addicts. With a smile: “Well, sometimes I think: where should I hang my coat? Because you enter houses that are often a bit dirtier than you are used to. At the same time, in that ‘dirty, smoky house’ lives a very nice, kind person. A person who has lived a life that my friends and I cannot imagine. It’s just such a thin line whether you fall off the scale or not. It’s a matter of luck. Before this volunteer work, I had no idea about that other side. Now I ride my bike through the city and think: behind that facade is a supported housing project, that’s where my buddy lives. It greatly enriches my perspective.”

You will receive very good guidance

“I used to go to the bakery every Saturday to get delicious sandwiches and would always pass by a homeless shelter. I would tell my children: look, these people don’t have money for these luxury sandwiches. These people all slept in the park last night. That’s what I truly believed back then. I wanted to do something for them and signed up as a volunteer at De Regenboog. It seemed like a good idea to me. Plus, you receive very good guidance, starting with training at the Volunteer Academy. They explain exactly what your role is. You’re not a friend, but you’re also not a formal helper. As a volunteer, you fall somewhere in between. They also give you guidelines; for example, don’t lend money to your buddy.

All of this made me feel safe because, to be honest, when it came down to it, I found it quite nerve-wracking to ring the doorbell. I was going to visit a former addict who also happened to live near me. I thought: will I recognize his dealers on the street later?”

It holds a mirror up to you

“My first two matches failed. My first partner, a woman, kept canceling or simply not answering the door when I showed up. And I kept insisting. I persisted for two months. The fact was: she was very shy, and I was just new. It was a bit hard to swallow, but also a learning experience. So, another tip: don’t be too focused on results and oh yes, don’t rush in too quickly. I only saw the second participant once. It went wrong right from the introduction, I heard later. He mentioned having a dental operation. I asked more about it at the time. Later, I found out I shouldn’t have done that. Especially not with ex-addicts. I hadn’t even considered that. I wanted to show interest, but with good intentions, you can also come on too strong.

In the end, I was matched with Els. A perfect match. Els (now 62) has a big head of red hair and speaks her mind. My children also know who Els is. Els is a lady who enjoys doing fun things with mom. And now, mom has a new lady who enjoys it when I visit. And Els? She is now a volunteer at a nursing home.”Text: The Rainbow, Nicolline van der Spek / Photography: Merlijn Michon

Want to become a buddy?

Interested in volunteering at the Regenboog?Check here for the options.All buddy projects in Amsterdam North can be found here –Discover what suits you